As I am entering into a new school year, I have been reminiscing on who I was last year this time. I walked in with less knowledge about myself, I was a bit clueless and all over the place. I cared about how others viewed me, so I watched what I said and did. I allowed others to infiltrate my relationships, if they has such thoughts about the other I would lead with that as if they were my own thoughts. I was not willing to step out of my comfortable and familiar box. But I surely did learn some lessons. So for today’s tea or coffee, as I now prefer, is all about recognizing growth and reflecting on where I was.
Freshman year was rough at times. If you have been reading the other blogs you would know the tea! Physically I seemed to be doing okay. I was not struggling academically, I had a nice campus job and managed to maintain a sort of healthy lifestyle. I carried alot of my baggage with me, it influenced who I friended with, partnered with and in general who I was. These were familiar to me. But as I uncomfortably moved through therapy and exploring my inner self I realized that familiarity didn’t constitute for healthiness.
So lesson one:
Just because something or someone feels familiar does not mean it’s good for you
I wrote about this a bit in, Fairytale Love. I mention how instincts (impulsives and what we naturally gravitate too) can be misinterpreted as something being right for you. When assessing whether someone or something is good for you, I think it requires a well rounded thought. The decision should be based on what you absolutely know is best for you. And sometimes the best decisions, are the scariest- most uncomfortable. This time around I am attempting to friend with different people, continue my progress in therapy, and try lifting exercies I have never done before.
I continued to carry hurtful feelings from the past. I was hard on myself for ways I behaved, people I had allowed in my life and for how I coped with the aftermath. The truth is most people who hurt are unaware of their behavior and most likely are projecting their pain onto you. I’m not saying you should be okay with this behavior but I am saying to not take it personally as I did. At a certain point, I realized that the others were moving on and I was still dwelling on these feelings. I had to ackowledge that yes things could have been better, but it was preventing me from becoming better for myself. I had allowed myself time to grieve, but it was time to also move on.
Lesson two:
Forgiveness, forgive yourself for all your faults and those you love (loved)
I had to learn to forgive those who’s actions were hurtful. And I needed to forgive myself for also not knowing- for being unaware of my and others behavior. In forgiving myself for my insecurities, for gravitating towards familiarities, and the mistakes I made- I am learning how to love myself for all my faults.
I have always sang in the shower and dressed as I wanted. But as I got older, if someone thought I looked provocative or said that my singing was terrible I would consume the hateful commentary. If I was looked at funny for my dancing, I would get self conscious. I would let others judge my potential partners, and interests. People will always have something to say about everything, it just depends on how you respond to it.
Lesson three:
You don’t have to care & let others influence your life
I realized I was people pleasing, alot towards those who’s opinion didn’t really matter. I was trying to be accommodating to everyone that I would forget about me. I wanted to start a blog, so I did for me. Regardless of how anyone thinks about what you’re doing you should make that decision for yourself. It doesn’t have to be up to someone else and in the end you’re going to be the one telling your story, so how do you want to live it?
Take that risk and do something spontaneous. Live for yourself, and who cares what people say about it. Love yourself for all the faults and the positives. Healing is essentially learning to love and give to all the parts of you. When doing this, good things will come your way.
