This past week I have been struggling with anxiety more so than usual. My mind seemed to be on overdrive, contemplating what was next on my list. I was running and with all these distractions I begin to feel out of control. I noticed I was neglecting to analyze myself, I would recognize what I am feeling but not why I was feeling this way? Usually answered through journaling, being quiet and allowing the emotions to flow. So for today’s cup of tea or coffee, as I now prefer, is all about how to navigate when your anxiety feels overwhelming.
When I think about everything I want to do, everything I would like to be it can feel like a massive task to complete. So massive that it would be impossible to achieve. This can feel overwhelming, frustrating and exhausting. The more I decide I need to do right away, the more overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted I get. It is a continuous cycle that never seems to stop.
We are placed in a world that tells us to grow up, to save our money and plan for our future. We ask little children what they want to be when they get older. Middle school students have to consider what colleges they are interested in so they can began impressing them. I remember doing a career game where at the end of a series of questions I would be given a profession- I was a janitor. There’s constant pressure to be something; to know everything. We have been taught to worry for what’s ahead. To plan for what’s ahead.
It’s great to have goals for the future, to know what you want. But it’s also okay not to know. It’s okay if your goals are “smaller” than others. Going back to elementary school, I wanted to be a vet because I wanted to pet cats all day. In middle school I wanted to be a singer because I enjoyed music. In highschool I wanted to be anything but something medical related. Now I am interested in psychiatry, as well as film, photography, writing, interior design, and fashion. Life changes as we get older, we grow into new things and grow out of other things. With that our goals can change as we move in different directions.
I feel like I need to figure out my life. To get everything sorted so I have a clear path to where I want to go. It can feel as if a boulder is sitting on my shoulders weighing me down. I have been stressing about my career options, relationships, money and how i’m doing in all of the above. It is overwhelming to look at the big picture, to take everything in all at once. So then don’t, take in only what you can control right now. Do I know what will happen tomorrow? I might have some idea of how my day will go, but I can’t be completely sure. What if my phone breaks, I throw up from food posioning again (knocking on wood!), I meet a new friend and so on. Life can be really unpredictable if you let it, if you keep your doors open, opportunities and people will go in and out. You may learn that what you thought you liked isn’t interesting anymore, you may discover something new about yourself, or maybe you will just meet a blessing. Some of the greatest things in life are not planned, or out of initial driven goals.
While it may be scary to think that you can’t truly structure your life, it is relieving in a way to know that you don’t have too. Take off that boulder holding you down and break it into smaller pieces. Assess what you know for right now and then be done with it. Have goals for yourself but don’t assign them to be completed in unrealistic times.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal when my anxious thoughts became overwhelming:
1). What is causing you to spiral? Making you feel out of control (the big boulder)
- Wide range of career options all of which I can see myself doing
- Whether my relationship will last
- I want to do this but how can I without the money
- Am I doing enough
2). What I know right now (breaking that boulder into smaller rocks)
- I like all of these career options & I can explore them to see if it’s more than a hobby
- My relationship is going well & I deserve this love
- I could work more shifts to save for the things I want to do
- I am doing as best as I can & that’s enough
3). Goals I have for myself (how to get what we want without making ourselves overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated)
- Pick up work shifts for midterm break
- Before scheduling for next semester’s classes look to see if there are any pertaining to other interests
- Take more time for myself & do more things that make my soul happy
Anxiety can make us go down our deep holes, places that don’t feel good. Try to redirect your attention to what you know and do what makes you feel good. This week I took more time to do the simple things like showering, and doing my extra skin care routine which involves a facial roller! I told myself that everything will work itself out, that I am where I need to be. I took a deep breath because I know that what will come, will come with time.
