Monday, November 20th was my birthday. That was yesterday, and if you’re wondering no I don’t feel 20 years old. I’m no longer a teenager but an adult. Which is kind of a scary thought, because I’m at an age where I would be focused on a career and eventually probably married with kids- yikes. I will be worried about adult things. So for todays tea talk, or coffee as I now prefer, will be about where i’m heading and where I came from.
20 years ago I was born into this world… Just kidding, I’m not going to start my story like that. My story is kind of rough, as I’m sure alot of beginnings are. My relationships with my family were complicated but I’m learning to forgive them. I have realized that I can just leave it be whatever it will be- that’s all we ever have control of. I’ve been curious to learn their stories, and maybe it’s just the psychology major in me but if I understand them it might make sense for who they are now. My past experiences don’t necessarily define me, but they do influence me. They represent my values, and in them I can find appreciation in myself for overcoming hardships. My mom said to me last night, “you have always been emotionally intelligent”. She goes on to say that she wasn’t at my age, but she tends to dumb herself down. She’s right though, I have always tried to be emotionally aware because others weren’t and I had to be. It was my way of surviving and now it’s just the way that I am.
This transition from living in a house with adults to living on your own as an adult tends to creep up on you. Just like me all of a sudden being 20 years old. It almost feels like there is pressure to “be an adult”. To work your butt off at school to get the career you want especially one that makes enough money to live. To get married to your best friend and have no more than 2 kids. To have your life figured out in a reasonable way. While that all sounds good, it doesnt mean it has to happen now. My mom had to give up her 20’s to take care of my oldest brother. Obviously I don’t have to do the same, and it’s okay if that ends up happening too. I think theres always an insane amount of burden to reach to the top but theres always a goal to achieve once the others are done. I want my 20s to be a space where I explore. Where I can try new things, places, and go on adventures. I’m not completely set on a career but I don’t have to. I have the time to make that decision and work towards what I want to be. For right now, I will do the best I can to make the most out of my life before it will be about my career, my own children and hubby. It still feels weird typing that out by the way lol. And if I think of what I would wish for I wouldn’t change anything. That may sound cliche but it’s true. I am in a good place surrounded by friends and family who love me. I am doing well academically. I am working on healing emotionally and mentally. And of course theres always things I could work on, things to learn but once again that’s what the 20’s are for!
So happy birthday to me, & here’s to new adventures <3
