Life is good. Are there things that still annoy and frustrate me? Yes, of course. I just have a strange feeling that things are going to be better, that life is going alright. I guess you could say I am a bit of a spiritual person. But you know when you have that gut feeling where you can just breathe, you can step back and enjoy the ride. So for today’s tea or coffee, as I now prefer, is all about learning to flow with life.
As someone who has anxiety and constantly worries about the next thing on the list, it’s hard to just be. The world is moving so fast it can feel difficult to keep up with it all. Next week I will be moving back to campus, starting school. I have to keep up good grades, work my campus job, and be engaged in the clubs I participate in. I want to continue my blog posts and grow my brand. I have to take care of myself- meal prepping for the week ahead, going to the gym, skin care routines and journaling. While also balancing time spent with friends and having fun. If one combines everything they want to do and need to do in the same pot it can begin to feel overwhelming. And this is what anxiety feels like for me. It’s the combination of everything going on at once causing me to spiral where I feel out of control.
Let’s take a step back. The overwhelming feeling that you don’t have enough time to complete anything is false. Yes time is short and we should make the best of it but we also don’t need to cram everything all at once. If we think of everything we would do in a year, it’s not done in a day or even a few months. It takes time to complete, figure out and leave space for mistakes.
I will be 19 years old in November. I believed my whole life that I could be allowed to take a break once I have reached the top. I skipped a school year, and am pushing to make my dreams a reality. It’s great that I have goals, but goals with dates for completion doesn’t allow life to move as it does. I am referring to another blog post, Success and Failure. I write about the pressure placed on young adults to “earn” success. By the age of 30 it’s expected to be in a committed relationship if not already married with at least one kid. It’s expected to have a career that pleases you, and brings financial stability. You’re expected to own a house in a nice neighborhood, 2 cars and vacation once a year. If this were true I would need to get a move on, make sure all my cards are aligned. However, it doesn’t have to be true if this is not what you want for yourself. If your goal is to have the white picket fence then you will make it happen. But it is also okay to spend your time in your twenties by yourself in a small apartment figuring out what you want out of life.
You have the time.
You can spend a day doing nothing and pick up where you left off the next day. You have time to stumble, to mess up and fail. You have time to change career paths and partners. You don’t have to have a inside the lines only plan. Adults in my life made it seem like this was the wrong way to go about life. That you shouldn’t risk your plans, and goals. That you should maintain your comfortable path to earn “success”. In ways it helped me remain organized, driven and focused. In others way the pressure to get to the finish line didn’t allow me to enjoy simple moments, to relax and just go about my days however I wanted. I felt I had to get it right every time and when I asummed I had failed I was extremely hard on myself. But as I mentioned in my other blog post and will write again, making mistakes and wrong decisions is apart of life’s experiences. You can learn from these mishaps, to be better for yourself.
A thing I have to tell myself is if I want to put my phone away, not think about tommrows troubles, and to do lists- that I’m allowed too. I am allowed to just watch life happening around me. Moments where I focus solely on what’s present, feels peaceful. It feels like I can take a breath. It gives me the space to recognize how good life can be. So what I’m saying is to go on those last minute outtings with friends even if you feel there’s a huge workload to complete.Without a second thought book a flight to a place you always wanted to see. To just say “yolo” and deal with it another time.
This is your life, where you get to make your own choices. The responsibility can feel alot for sure. But how exciting to walk into something not knowing what may come of it. And whatever it is you choose to use your time for, make sure it fulfills you. If it does that, then what other people think about it doesn’t matter. You only live once so allow yourself to live it to how you want.
