This week I went to the gym, after not going for awhile. I was greeted with feelings of success for forcing myself to get up and lift some weights- maybe even run on the treadmill (least favorite). Fitness gurus call this discipline. They say that you must workout even when you don’t want too, even when you’re not feeling it. So for today’s cup of tea or coffee, as I now prefer, is my reality on motivation in the fitness world.
In the beginning of my fitness journey, working out was not about being healthy. It was about an excessive amount of exercise with little to no eating. I wanted to look as skinny as possible mostly because I thought that’s what being fit looked like. I would feel satisfied seeing the bones show. I disliked the hip dips, muffin tops, lower tummy pouch. I wanted thigh gaps, no flabby arms, or rolls. I was taught to hate my appearance. Was I disciplined? Yes I persisted and was consistent in my efforts to reach my fitness goals. But my motivation was solely based on how I appeared on the outside. My journey started because I was unhappy with my body’s normal autonomy.
Not saying that these fitness influencers, trainers and those in the fitness world are aiming to make one dislike their appearances. But for me, as a young girl in highschool, I never knew what was normal. Everything was telling me that if I drank this apple cinder vinegar with lemon juice I would lose 10 pounds in a week! The internet was telling me that when you workout certain parts of your body it would rid you of all your “fatty” parts. People seemingly labeled as healthy were skinny, their bones would show, they had no “fat” anywhere. I needed to be that way to be labeled as beautiful.
The other night when I got home from the gym and hopped in the shower, I got a glance at my body in the mirror. I was slightly bloated from drinking lots of water. My stretch marks were still there even though advertisements would have said they would be gone by now. I had some flabbyness, some fat around my tummy. My hips were still dipped. At that moment I caught myself picking at my body for all its supposed imperfections, feeling unsatisfied because my workout “didn’t work”. I reverted back to my original motivation for fitness. Motivation that teaches me to dislike my appearance, to persist to get rid of these flaws.
So I ask, what is fitness about anyways?
Is fitness about achieving a certain physique by dieting and exercising. Is it about forcing yourself to get to the gym to do a full workout when you’re utterly exhausted from the stress of the day? Is it eliminating all sweetness and soul foods from your life, so all is left is kale salads? Is it counting your calories which can lead to malnutrition and starvation? If you couldn’t tell by my sarcasm, fitness is not about overly dieting and exercising. Fitness, getting exercise and feeding your body with nutritious foods, is to keep ourselves healthy-not to reach certain body standards.
But fitness is only one component of health. Remember that chart from elementary school that showed us how much of what food group we were supposed to eat.
You know this chart. It told you what should be included in your diet. Now I’m not a nutritionist or dietitian so I’m not entirely sure if this chart really makes for a healthy diet. But this image was engrained in my mind, just like this one below.
Both images taught me as a kid what was “healthy” and who was to be considered “healthy”. Both images didn’t include other components of health such as rest, and pleasures of labeled unhealthy foods. They don’t tell you that having fat around your body is a survival tool from our ancestors to keep warm. They don’t tell us that the hip dips show because of the way our muscles are located. For girls the tummy pouch has to do with hormones, and protection of the reproductive organs- your uterus. Or that when you “bloat” it’s your body digesting the meal you just had. They don’t show the different body types, various diets or differences in women and mens body anatomy. They don’t demonstrate balance or reality.
Being healthy is to collectively balance all aspects of health. It’s the things the fitness gurus say about drinking lots of water, working out and eating nutritious foods. As it is important to eat fruits, vegetables, grains, proteins and dairy- it’s also okay to eat a cookie once in awhile. It’s okay to skip a workout and lay down instead. It’s okay to walk around the neighborhood when usually you would jog. In a week from now after eating that cookie, and skipping that workout will not even matter. Your body will do it’s amazing thing of digesting, and will maintain it’s metabolism even from a simple walk.
It’s more important to be consistent in this balance and it doesn’t have to be major. Exercising for 20 minutes whenever you have the time is still beneficial. The same as resting your body when it needs it. Think of eating as not to punish yourself but to fill you up with foods to keep your body going. Taking the time to have that emotional breakdown is helping with your emotional and mental health.
So next time when I come home from the gym, hop in the shower and notice my body in the mirror. Instead of pointing out what advertisements and companies who profit off of your insecurities say about how your body should appear. Tell yourself that you exercised not to please, to rid or to perfect. You went to the gym, ate a well rounded meal, drank your water to fuel your body. You are motivated to providing your soul with delicious food. You are motivated to build strength through your workouts. You are motivated to giving your body the love and attention it deserves.
Readings I looked at for this body love post:
https://www.today.com/news/normal-barbie-uses-real-womens-measurements-6C10533511
https://www.today.com/health/ideal-real-what-perfect-body-really-looks-men-women-t83731
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/body-types#improving-body-image
