My challenge begins around 12 years old. When in middle school everyone was focused more on appearance than the grade they received in math. I became self-conscious about how I styled my hair, what I wore, whether I smelled like roses, and lastly how my body looked. I would critique how my body appeared in certain clothes, how it was flawed in the mirror, and how it worked with movement. I would judge the way my tummy would bloat after eating, the way my thighs got bigger when I sat down, and the flap of my arms. I also began noticing the lines that ran along the sides of my thighs. I noticed the dips in my hips. I noticed the folding and the rolling when I twisted. And I thought to myself, I must get rid of this, I must hide it. I believed I needed to change my appearance to “fit in”. So for today’s cup of tea or coffee, as I now prefer, is all about how I ended up changing my appearance, so much so I developed an eating disorder.
I would limit myself to only eating at dinner time with my family. And I worked out for hours, every day. The sole purpose of being unhealthy was so I could feel skinny. But the truth is, I was skinny. And with the enhancement of body dysmorphia, it created a vicious cycle of me continuously dreading the way my body looked. Eventually, when I was allowed to have a phone I scrolled, seeing the tiny bikini models with flat tummies. This made me assume that all bodies were supposed to match those standards. So when mine didn’t, I continued to be harsh to myself. It wasn’t until my best friend asked me why I wasn’t eating and shared her concerns that I realized she was right. My best friend who has an “hourglass figure”, as in bigger hips, bigger booty, and slimmer waist did not match the flat tummy, smaller chest, tighter booty, and slimmer figure. That day she and I talked lots about the ways beauty standards make us girls who look different from the media’s models makes us feel unattractive, but more so unappreciative of ourselves and our bodies.
It took time to love myself to the point I do now. And there are still days when I catch myself thinking, “ew why does my body look like that”. I still pick at my body, I still have insecurities, and I still compare myself to other girls. However, I allow myself to eat a cookie that looks delicious. I allow myself to take days at a time to not go to the gym. I had to learn that my body was more than just what it appeared to be on the outside. It was learning how to feed my soul- how to appreciate my body for the work it goes through every day to function. Learning how to see the beauty in the imperfect. The photo above shows those very features that made my 13 year old mind, I need to change those. The dip in my hip. The stretch marks along my thighs. The slight bloat in my lower tummy. All of which I know now is normal.
The challenge now is teaching younger girls that appearances are their form of beauty. And to not focus entirely on a young girl’s look, telling her to smile and assuming her health based on her body. That young girl- the young girl I was- wanted to hear of how smart, strong and valuable I am to the world.
Helpful Tips to feel sexy and beautiful in your own skin!
- Writing down affirmations, and reciting them in the morning
- Catching yourself when you start to hear yourself being mean to you
- Dancing and listening to music- I know it sounds silly but being comfortable with the way you move might help you feel sexy
- Wearing items that make you feel good about yourself (don’t think about what others may think)
- Looking in the mirror and instead of picking out negatives, pick out what you love about yourself
- Taking pictures of yourself- can be selfies, or more explicit
- Exploring your body, getting a feel for where you enjoy being touched
- Not forcing yourself to fit a certain size, shape, or image
- When you find yourself comparing yourself to other girls, get off the social media platform- if not on social media, acknowledge that yes that girl has nice features but so do you! And think she might be wishing she had your features, so be appreciative of what you have:)
