It’s my last night being twenty years old. It’s a weird feeling knowing that I’ve been around for so long. There’s something about turning twenty one where I’m officially an adult. I’m graduating next May. I will be moving across the ocean to study abroad next fall semester. I have said goodbye to people, hobbies, and old ways. I’m turning another year older, and looking back, I can’t say I have any regrets. I have finally reached an age where I don’t need to hold a grudge, and I can view things for what they are. Of course, I have my moments, as we all do. But for the most part, I’ve been trying to enjoy my peace. So for today’s tea talk, or coffee as I now prefer, let’s look back on this year and reflect on what I’m excited for as a twenty one year old!
When I turned twenty last year, it was so much fun having all of my friends there to celebrate another year with me. I had the apartment decorated for Christmas as I do this year. I was with someone who made me happy at the time. I unexpectedly did not work that winter break, but it was nice to just wake up and have nothing to stress about. Even though the number in my bank account did stress me out. I still enjoy doing fun crafts and painting as I did then. Maybe I’ll try a new craft, such as pottery work- always wanted to do that. I got some finger tattoos the same friend I’m forcing to give me another tattoo. Then, hopefully, I will feel completely satisfied. I tried to spend more time with family, something that I sometimes struggle with. I learned that the way I view myself is very limited through my therapy. I realized that I limited myself to just being pretty when, obviously, I am way more than that. A topic I can save for another blog post, lol. I went on some fun adventures, I went to New York for the first time and visited a town I haven’t been to since I was a little girl. I did things out of my comfort zone that ended up going well, like applying to my research lab job. And chopping my hair off. I made a heartbreaking decision, but one that I still feel confident in. And I have been continuing to decide what’s best for myself. Researching and trying to make my study abroad possible in Europe has been a big journey for me- but one I have dreamed about doing since I was little.
This brings me to this present moment. I have new Christmas decor in my room, but yet still have the same spirit as I did last year. As I know I have learned and grown so much in many different ways, I still feel exactly the same. I have written before that the giddy little girl is still there with me, who still loves her birthday even though every year I end up really emotional the night before the exciting day. With my cat laying in my lap, I truly feel so blessed that I made it to another year. And as it can be difficult to acknowledge my accomplishments, small and big, all the days where I struggled to make it through, and days where it felt there was no hope in the world to still find a way to feel grateful for all that I have- and don’t have. I’ve cried but I’ve also smiled and laughed too. To still feel at peace with myself will forever be my journey and end goal, no matter what it takes to feel that way. I used to think it was by shutting people out, but I’m learning to trust that allowing love from my friends and family can be so rewarding. But most importantly, learning to give myself the love, compassion, and respect I deserve. So I guess, while I may not know exactly where I’ll be when I turn twenty two, at least I know that I will have my close girlfriends, my family, my Christmas decor, my sweet boy Munchie, and the spirited little girl to keep me going. And that’s truly all I ever need.
Happy Birthday to Myself 🎂
